I realized this morning when I was getting ready for work. My pants are loose. My shirts button. Even my shoes fit better!
Then it hit me. I can bend over to tie my shoes now without holding my breath!
What is going on, you ask?
It is very simple really.
I adopted three border collies.
The Border Collie Weight Loss Plan
Exercise Program: Daily aerobic walking is the foundation of this exercise program. Rain, shine, sleet or snow – you will be walking. You must walk your Border Collie everyday or they do things like rearrange your furniture. Combining brisk walking with the use of a Chuck-it will strengthen your upper body, tone your arms and help reduce the dreaded back fat. Picking yourself up off the ground shortly after your face meets the dirt (due to being tripped by a dog lunging at the ball in your chuck-it) also helps to increase upper body strength – akin to push-ups.
Three dogs (plus one foster) equal four tons of dog flops to pick up daily – bending, stooping, & lifting – excellent for core strengthening. Schlepping large bags of dog food hither and yon (weight bearing exercise) helps to increase bone density and fight osteoporosis.
You must find your Border Collies jobs (or they find their own) such as sheep herding or agility. Agility requires running, jumping and bending. Herding involves, walking backward, running and falling. Both Agility and Herding are excellent aerobic exercise programs that assist in improving coordination & flexibility. Added incentive to improve quickly or face weeks of compounding humiliation increases mental alertness.
Food Program: Try eating a whole meal without a dog face in your lap – it won’t happen. Don’t leave your food unattended, it will disappear. If you are eating and you dare put the border collies in the yard – they will engage in retaliatory landscaping. Your Border Collie will remind you to share your meal by targeting your elbow thus making you spill whatever you were going to stuff in your mouth (particularly risky with hot liquids). They work this technique in teams. One nudges your elbow suddenly and quickly (like a rattlesnake strike) the other waits to snatch the dropped piece of food. This results in reduced caloric consumption due to depravation and followed eventually by acceptance.
Remember: You have been placed on this earth to feed your dogs – not yourself.
Over time this effective diet program results in improved cardiovascular health, lowered cholesterol, looser pants, and general feeling of wellbeing.
A healthy lifestyle brought to you by Border Collies. Adopt one today!
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3 days ago