Exhausted Mental Meandering

A dream really did come true. Having our own place to work sheep is a culmination of years of hope. A long with it comes work, work and more work. I am still a happy camper because it is ours. 

I had a lesson with Dianne today at Ronnie's in Yelm.  She told me I was working Brynn dog better than she has ever seen (yeah!) so all this work is paying off. I am learning, becoming more comfortable with commands, corrections and confident that I am doing the right things.

Then Dianne said, she wished I could work like that during a trial. She made me laugh when she told me something Jeanne B. said earlier in the day, "you need to be speakin' not freakin'!" Meaning you need to talk to your dog calmly, help them, relax and don't freak out. Since Dianne was at Palm Cottage last week she witnessed my 'scary shrill nervous whistling' and subsequent harried meltdown when things started to fall apart. I am getting better (I don't hyperventilate, cry or scream at the post anymore) but I have a long way to go.

I know I will get there. I am confident that every trial I make a step in the right direction. Every day I work my dog with the right attitude, I am moving forward.

I feel good about where we are. This whole positive energy, attitude thing is kinda sinking in, and I like it.  It sure feels nicer than beating myself up.  I had an epiphany the other day - being positive and feeling good about yourself is GOOD, it does not mean you are egotistical, self centered, or stuck up - it just means you feel good about yourself.  Feeling good about yourself is a healthy, happy thing.

I wish I could have learned this years ago.

Having my head in a positive space is good thing because my husband John just got layed off his job. He was put on stand-by for a month or two. To look at this positively - we are really saving a lot of money by having our own sheep and think about how much money we will save not paying for his gas to commute to work every day. Yeah!

In every cloud there is a silver lining.  You just have to look for it. 

That reminds me, John had a lesson with Beth today. I have finally committed to giving Beth back to John to work. It breaks my heart, because I adore her. She is the perfect chore dog. I don't even have to tell her what I want, she just knows. On the trial field, it is another story - we both succumb to nerves and Beth doesn't have fun.

She thrives on farm work - I will miss working her. She has been my right hand in doing any type of chore. Now it is time for Brynn to step up and I need to trust her and teach her how to do the same things Beth does every day. 

John has set a goal. He is going to run Beth in his first trial this September.

I don't know if any of you remember, but John started Beth, right after we adopted her.

He actually is the one who fell in love with her first when we visited her foster home.

He attended lessons with her, even a few Scott Glen clinics.

When he started working overtime at Microsoft a few years ago I took Beth over....then never gave her back.  Blame it on addiction.  I was addicted to sheepdogs.  It is a treacherous road to go down, it leads you to places you never thought you would be.

Like yesterday when we were helping with shearing.  I was trimming feet.  One of the ewes started struggling.  I grabbed her behind and my fingers slipped into an place (certain orifice) I did not anticipate - or the ewe for that matter.

See what I mean?  It takes you places...strange places with green schmutz that gets under your finger nails.

Speaking of places - my co-op partner posted a blog today about working on the field.  She shot great pictures of the field.  She determined the sheep need some training and she is just the person to do it.  They are sheep with ill intentions that aim for people.  One particular ewe is the devil incarnate.  She has taken me out twice - she drops her head and aims for me... every-single-time.  If she does it again, I will personally dispatch her to the big sheep farm in the sky - with my bare hands.  She belongs to the land-owner and is for sale.  I hope she leaves soon.

Speaking of which, he has 10 ewes for sale.  Some Romney and a few Columbia/Rambouillet.  They are all in excellent health.  No foot rot, good moms (all twin'ed) bags are great, 5-6 years old & recently sheared.  These ewes are massive, they have never missed a meal, big boned, sturdy sheep.  Please drop me an email if you are interested.  I can put you in contact with him. 

Monique's blog is here Behaviors of a Dog Mom

Tomorrow we shear Jim the llama.  This will be a new experience.  After I have another lesson with Dianne in the evening.

Another long, but happy day. 

Scary Shrieker

Dianne was here this last weekend, teaching private lessons on Friday & Sunday.  She judged the Rocky Ewe trial in Roy on Saturday. 

She always brings with her a hefty dose of humility. 

I bring the humiliation all by myself. 

My poor dogs would like to beat me with crook.  I am sure Dianne has thought about employing that method of instruction a time or two as well.  Death by herding instructor; my guess it would be a bludgeoning.  Well deserved I am sure. 

I have not been working Beth much lately.  When I do work her, it is for chores & close up work only.  The work she has done with me I insist on her doing it correctly with very little pressure.  On Thursday I worked her with Dianne, it was like I had a new dog.   I thought it was because Dianne was on the field & Beth was scared of her.  Beth has a history of acting like the perfect little angel with a instructor (Patrick, Karen Child or Scott Glen) on the field - then later with me morphs into a ripping wool shredding freak of nature.  With Dianne, Beth did everything I asked.  We had this magical herding vibe going on. She even did inside flanks without looking like she was being drug through a  fiery pit of hell. 

Dianne told me it was beautiful.  There was nothing she had to say, my handling had improved with her, my timing was pert near perfect.  Words I never thought I would hear.  I smiled with joy.  Then remembered our session with Brynn earlier - that brought me back to earth - like a lead balloon. 

A few weeks ago I wrote that I was done trialing Beth.  She has gone as far as she will go and it just wasnt worth the frustration.  I lied.  The truth is, I signed her up for the trial last weekend so John could run her - because I had given up on her.  Alas, John told me his heart wasn't into working the dogs and he had to work - he volunteered for overtime at work - sending a strong message to me I did not miss.   That poor misguided man, choosing to work and make money over working dogs on sheep?  I just don't get it, but I am happy he is making the money for me to spend. 

Where was I?  Oh yeah...the trial. 

Anyone who has seen me run a dog at a trial knows it will go in one of two directions.  Calm, cool, quiet and nice.  Or a sniveling, screaming, shrieking freak of nature. 

Hi, my name is Carolynn...I am a Bi-Polar Handler.   

When I am calm, cool, quiet and nice - we have a nice run.  I am happy, my dog is happy.  All is right in the world even if we completely sucked. 

When I am a sniveling, shrieking freak of nature - my dog runs like crap,  I feel like crap and our scores are crap.  When our scores are not crap I am ashamed and feel like my crappy handling didn't deserve a decent score and want to crawl into my crap filled hole.   A self fulfilling crappy prophecy. 


I feel like I am finally learning how to find a spot somewhere in the middle. 

On Saturday when I ran Brynn in Ranch, it was better than in the past.  I am learning why I fall apart when I am running her.  She is a lot of dog.  She is FAST, strong and very very very good and I am scared to death of her.  My mind does not move as fast as she does.  Things go wrong on the outrun, I fall back on corrections that did not work in training.  On the drive I give her the wrong flank, she takes it and I start yelling "NO".  She tries harder, runs faster, trying to please me...I get more and more frantic.  Things deteriorate and I feel dumber and dumber.  I want to die.  I telegraph every one of these emotions to my dog through my voice, the timber of my commands, my escalating shrieks.  Brynn placed 8th in the class. 

On Saturday when I ran Beth in the Ranch class, things were calm, cool, and fun.  She listened to every command I gave her. She ran happily, effortlessly and I felt confident & relaxed.  With that run we got 3rd place in the ranch class.  I was very happy! 

On Sunday during a lesson Dianne pointed out to me that I shriek & bark commands at Brynn.  It went like this...

Me:  "Away"
DD:  "Why are you barking that at her, try it again."
Me:  "Awaaaay."
DD:   Ouch, that sounds like a correction.  Try not to make it so harsh. Use your whistle. 
Me:   Whistling Away.
DD:  What was that?
Me:  My away whistle
DD:  Try it again
ME:  Whistle Away
DD:  "She is right there, there is no need to make her ears bleed". 
Me:   Verbal"Awaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy"
DD:  That is giving me a head ache - can you imagine how she feels?
Me:  verbal, softer Aaaaawayyyyyyyy
DD:  Wow, that just told her to give you a BIG away flank...if you want a short one, shorten it up a bit.
Me:  Away!
DD:  Barking again!  The command needs to be monotone, soft.  The corrections are harsh, not the flanks. Try it again
Me:  Away
DD:  No
Me:  I can't hear myself...I am trying! 
DD:  try harder
Me:  Away
DD:  NO!
Me:  Does it really sound that bad?
DD:  YES! You sound really angry!
Me:  I am not angry!
DD:  You are scaring ME!
Me:  I dont mean to!
DD:  Try it again, this time SOFTER!
Me:  Aaaaaaaawaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy (sing song)
DD: There you go..see her take that flank....now correct her she sliced it...get after her.
Me:  Brynn!  You get out of that!  (with requisite scottish accent)
DD: Better! Give her a flank again, but don't take the tone from the correction into the command
Me:  Away...
DD:  You are Barking Again!  Lighten up!  Think of the way you say "Come Bye"  you say that so nicely...say Away the same way.
Me:  I can't
DD: Say it
Me;  I am too fat
DD:  *Sigh* Say it !
Me:  softly, nicely....Away
DD:  See!  Look at that flank!  The commands need to be monotone, soft and reassuring.  Do not shriek your flanks - you can shriek your correction, but then it is OVER.  Dont bring the correction into the command. 
Me:  I am stupid
DD: She will work for you regardless. 

The gist of it.  Brynn scares me.  I still have not gotten through my head that I do not need to control her every move on the field.  I need to make my corrections count, leave anger out of it.  When the correction is done, drop it.  Move on.  Make the command inviting - not a demand.  I need to remember that my dog wants to please me & I need to give her the correct information so she can do that...instead of turning it into a fight. 

I asked Dianne why she thought I did so much better with Beth.  "You didn't have any expectations.   You had given up on her.  You went out there relaxed & not expecting anything."

She was 100% right.  Whatever Beth gave me I was going to be happy with.  I didnt have any preconceived expectations.  With Brynn, I did.  My insecurities (ego) led the way.

Yep a humbling journey this is...but so addicting.

Hi my name is Carolynn, I am a recovering bi-polar masochistic handler.  It is nice to meet you!

Quick Post - DD Lessons, Sheep and Babies

I am exhausted.  Dianne Deal came to teach three jam packed days of lessons at Ronnie Smith's farm in Yelm, WA.  Everyday started bright and early on the farm at dawn. 

 Dianne taught lessons from sunrise to sunset. 

Lessons were taught using a commercial flock of Romney/North Country Cheviot. 

This was an once in a lifetime opportunity for the dogs to work completely un-dogged sheep in a lesson scenario. 

The only draw back was the sheep are not conditioned, nor were they used to being run around.  Which meant the volunteers were needed to switch the sheep out every 30 minutes... or less if they were run a great deal.  Our volunteers rocked the weekend!  Jorgen's dog was injured and had to sit out Saturday and Sunday, which meant Jorgen turned into a sheep dog.  I believe he is ready to run open now, but he is a bit slow on the outrun - however his shedding skills are top notch! 

I bet he will sleep for a week. 

My fellow organizer, Cindy...proved to be particularly troublesome and resorted to extortion on the last day.  Something about a $125.00 kept coming up.  I just ignored her. 

She likes to make silly faces when I try to take her picture.  Except when she is looking at her dogs, then she turns into mush.  Like this...

Dogs were exhausted. Handlers and the best volunteers in the world (Jorgen & Jeff)  were happy & exhausted.  The minute we walked into the house in the evening Dianne dropped like a lead balloon, until the alarm went off at 0500 the next morning and it all began again. 

She is the original energizer bunny. 

I am exhausted & will write more about the weekend later this week. 

Right now I need to head to the hospital where my daughter is in labor.  Her water broke and the baby is coming!  Tomorrow by this time I will be a grandmother.  Wooot!

In the Periphery

Last weekend Dianne Deal stayed with us while she taught three fully booked days of lessons in Yelm. 

Dianne amazes me.  She has such a positive attitude - all the time.  Even when it is 100 degrees.  Everyone is grumpy.  Not Dianne - she is going like the energizer bunny.  I think Dianne is powered by solar energy & sun block.  The sun shines and she goes a thousand miles an hour. 

Brynn's littermate Islay came to lessons again.   She brought her handler Una with her.

I mentioned in this blog before that Una has become addicted to herding.  Since the last time Dianne was here Una ran Islay in a small trial at Brigands.  She made the decision this time to send Islay to Dianne for training in September. 

It is like watching Brynn on the field when I see Islay working.  They are very similar in working style. 

It will be very cool to see Islay when she gets done with Dianne.  I can't wait to see them on the trial field.  Helping to put rescue dogs on the map. 

I wish we knew for sure where Brynn's litter really came from.  I would like to have another one from the same breeding.  Alas - they are rescues, and there are so many wonderful dogs out there already.  But I can dream...

As usual Dianne filled my head full of stuff.  She was very happy with how both Beth and Brynn are coming along.  No slippage back ward - only moving forward. 

For me the process has been slower.  I was remembering when I learned to speak German & later Spanish.  At first you have to memorize the words & conjugations.  You speak slowly the whole time thinking in English...mentally translating into the foreign language. 

Then after a while, you are faster, your vocabulary has expanded. Things are quicker, some becoming a habit - but you still think in English then translate into the language. 

You know you are fluent when you THINK in the foreign language. 

It is the same thing with learning this "sport". 

The flanks are coming more consistently.  I don't have to mentally think which direction the flank is every time.  90% of the time I am getting it right.  I am clearly not 'fluent' yet - but getting there. 

I will be fluent when I think in the correct flank.

Now Dianne has me using my whistle most of the time.  This evening  Brynn was taking all of my flank whistles - as long as I get them right. 

We did have a few moments where she stopped - looked at me like I lost my mind - then took the flank when I gave it to her verbally. 

Driving is coming along.  Brynn gets sticky driving.  The trick with her is to keep her moving by giving her small flanks, back and forth so she doesnt hitch up.  She is 'hitched' when she stops and lifts one leg in the air like a pointer. 

Then stands there staring at the sheep.    It is hard to get her to take a step forward. 

One thing I worked on after  Athena - was studying how Brynn listens.  What are the cue's she gives me when I know she has heard me - such as a flick of the ear, or a twitch of her head in my direction.  In the past when I think she was ignoring me - she wasn't - I just didnt give her direction.

Another thing we worked on in my lessons with Dianne was to watch the sheep.  On top of all the new language I am learning I need to grasp a whole 'nuther concept. 

Watch my dog in the periphery.  Keep my dog in my peripheral vision - focus on the sheep.  Where are the sheep going?  Where are their heads pointed?  If I keep watching my dog I miss all of this - in order to place my dog correctly behind them - I need to watch them - not my dog. 

ARRRGGGHHHH!  My head is going to EXPLODE! 

At Dianne's suggestion this weekend we took the sheep out of the field and drove them up the road that is under construction near Cindy's house.  This was AWESOME! 

It is not often you are given the opportunity like this.  No traffic, visual boundaries (ditches) & a nice long straight place to practice driving. 

The sheep were not thrilled to be moving away from their pasture - so Brynn had to push a bit. 

Once we got going - she kept a nice steady pace.  I was happy. 

That changed the minute we turned around to come back.  The sheep wanted to run back to the barn.   Brynn felt that draw and kept zipping to the front and hooking them back to me.  A learning moment for me too. 

I have said this a hundred times.  I really need to keep things calm - not escalate to a bellowing fishwife.  I did it again this evening when Brynn took off on me and tried to take things into her own 'paws'.  Yelling only amps her up - it does not cause her to think - just move faster and morph in to "LAWN DART" mode.

Lawn Dart - is not disobedient.  Lawn Dart is a little dog desperately trying to please me.  And I imagine trying to stay as far away from me as possible.  Like my kids have told me before "Scary Mommy is Ugly". 

Brynn has seen "Scary Mommy" too. 

Cindy took a picture of me tonight in "Scary Mommy" mode.  It is VERY ugly. 

Scary Mommy needs to tape her whistle to her mouth and shut up. 

 

Athena Trial & Ramblings of a Disturbed Mind.

A week has passed since the Athena trial.  I have had a chance to gather my thoughts and defrag my brain.

It didn't work. 

I have been struggling with how to write this post and how to tie the trial pictures into a smart neat little package - with the objective to make you smile.

I have failed miserably.  I suck.

The preceding picture was shot by my loving husband right after I called Beth the wrong name, gave the wrong flank then tripped over a rock.  Which pretty much sums up my state of mind.   Perhaps it is peri - menopause?  The economy?  A democrat  in the White House?  Who knows.  I just know I can't think.

Speaking of the economy.  My husband is now unemployed with me.  I have a good idea of what retirement will be like.  Will our marriage survive?  Will he?   I can say our house has never been cleaner.  Not a weed in our yard has survived his full on assault.  I have been hiding in my office trying to stay away from him and all sharp objects.

I didnt want to come home from Idaho.  When I got into my car at Athena - I sat there for a bit and seriously contemplated pointing the car east and keep driving.  North Carolina sounded like a good destination.  I had the tent, my air bed, a cooler and two dogs.  I was good to go.

Sanity prevailed...and I turned in the direction of home. 

The Trial in Athena was eye opening for me.  After a week spent sleeping on an air mattress I reached the conclusion it is more comfortable than our $1800 mattress.  I also learned I really can sleep in a tent.   Who knew?   I would prefer it not be as hot as the surface of the sun - like it was during the day in Athena - but as long as it cools off during the night - it is definitely doable and I will do it again.

Can I write a full sentence without a hyphen?

What was I saying?

Oh yeah...the trial.

Athena is a trial that has been run for the past 27 years on the high school football field during the Caledonia Games - a Scottish Highland festival.  Obviously the trial field is small - which offers new and different challenges for dogs that are used to running in larger fields.  Other bizzare things happen, which do not typically occur in a field trial.  Like the case of disappearing sheep. 

Uhoh...where did my sheep go?

A little investigating is in order...

Utoh...

Little b@stards...

Sheep under the bleachers.  Sweet.

Always a new experience.

 The "Post" really is a POST.  The goal post.

The course director was Don Couch.  Open did not have a shed, instead they had a chute.  Open had to negotiate it from the post.  Pro-novice was allowed to go to the chute and help their dog.

So many beautiful dogs

Look at the peepers on this one!  Red Top Star run by Susan Lindstedt. 

Dianne Deal's Fame

Ron Green's Kane

Sue Wessel's Tess

Sue Wessel's Lexi or Kate...not sure...but gorgeous dog still the same. 

LJ Estes's Petal run by Dianne Deal.  I overexposed the back ground so I threw on a texture.  Not sure it works. 

Red Top Vangie run by Susan Lindstedt.  Who is quite possibly the funniest woman I have ever met. 

Vangie is a joy to watch.

Smiling faces like Mary Ann Lindsay's gorgeous grin after her run with Tan. 

I learned many new things at this trial.

I learned that I really like Bud Light Chelada's.  They are yummy, especially when accompained by Wasabi chips which helps you mask the taste a smidge.  Salad and relaxation in a can.  Who can ask for anything more?

I learned how the crowd acts when you have a good run.  I learned how the crowd acts when you have a REALLY bad run.  They won't look at you.  Her is a hint: if the announcer goes silent - then you are most likely doing something bad.

On Saturday our runs were okay.  Beth placed first and Brynn placed third.  The biggest challenge for everyone in the trial was the nightmare at the set out.  The sheep were being set out at the far goal post by two teenage boys and a man with a flag.  They meant well but by the time the sheep were somewhat settled - they were already rattled beyond belief.  Chased around, kicked, slapped with a flag, harassed by a dog that was slicing and gripping.  It was ugly beyond description.  It was a challenge for Open and Pro-Novice.  For Novice dogs it proved to be too much for many of them.

For Brynn's run on Saturday they recycled the sheep from the previous run - but swapped the one out that got stuck in the fence.  They gave us a new one that the kids dropped on it's back from the truck - it only fell upside down about 4 feet. It took them 5 minutes to get them reasonably settled.  In the time we were standing there waiting for the chaos to subside at the set out I watched Brynn begin to vibrate - building tension.

Regardless of the zoo at set-out Beth and Brynn handled it reasonably well, which I was happy with.  The lifts were pretty much non existent and the fetch was crazy for both of them.  We were able to get it under control - a little - round the post and attempt the first leg of the drive.  Then to the pen.  On Saturday both Beth and Brynn got the pen.  Beth's score was 49 and Brynn had a 43.

Sunday - they changed how set out was done  (THANK YOU!)

Chaos did not reign at set-out...but it certainly did in my brain.  Beth was first up and we managed a decent run for another score of 49 and second place.  Brynn was another story.

Remember that woman that was give that award for "Most Promising Novice Handler" at a trial a few weeks ago?  She was the gal who got that award because she calmly and quietly helped her dog through something difficult and finished with a positive result. 

Yeah...that woman wasn't there.  In her place was a yelling, shrieking monster who whacked the pen with her stick a few times.  This woman should have seen her dog was having issues and dropped the rope  and taken care of it.  Instead she hung onto the rope - escalated - getting more frantic.  Then after getting the pen (who the hell knows how?) she continued with the bad behavior - told her dog she was going to "strangle" her and played keep away around the pen.

Things did settle down a bit and we exhausted the sheep into the trailer.  By that point everyone was silent.  The announcer was quiet.  I wanted to crawl under a rock.  Brynn got a score of 41 & third place - I should have gotten a zero. 

The adrenaline was still going when I walked off the field.  To be honest...I was blaming Brynn at that moment.  After talking to Dianne Deal - she gave me a well deserved verbal thrashing - in her kind and gentle manner.  Remember when you were a kid and that kind teacher or relative would sit you down with the "I am disappointed in you" talk?  Being a mother, Dianne excels at that talk.  Given that I truly value her opinion - it hit home. 

She reminded me that Brynn plays off my emotions.  She was doing everything I was asking and all she wants to do is please me.  I was just asking the wrong things.  I was laying her down at the wrong time, flanking her wrong, not allowing her to cover the sheep, then getting angrier and angrier...which only served to speed her up and made her try harder and harder.  Which I perceived as defiance.

Sometimes Brynn can run right over the top of me - she is A LOT of dog.

It wasn't defiance.  It was Brynn trying harder and harder to compensate for me. It is my responsibility as her handler to give her direction to do things correctly - not get angry and think she is taking advantage of me.

Dianne also pointed out that my goals for Brynn are not to win a novice trial.  They are to go further.  A novice trial is not important in the big scheme of things - and if I keep putting this type of pressure on this baby dog - I will ruin her.

I deserved every word she said.  Shortly after that they started calling my name.  I was hiding behind the trailers & someone came to find me.  It was for awards.  As you already know from an earlier post -  Beth placed first - high in trial &  Brynn placed second over all  (both days combined).  It was one of those bittersweet moments.  I was very proud of my dogs yet deeply ashamed of myself.

We feel shame for a reason.  Some people wallow in the shame - others use it as a motivation to affect change.  To me, the shame is painful and icky - it serves as a wake up call - a necessary evil encountered on a journey to improve.  A good swift kick in the pants in the right direction. 

This week has been spent in thoughtful evaluation of how I handle stress and tension.  I am creating the problems my dogs are having on the trial field & oft times on the practice field.   The only way this is going to improve is through myself.  I need to overcome ego on the field.  I thought I was impervious to the ill effects that ego can bring about.  I have to confess - once I realized that we stood a chance at doing really well at the trial - I jumped on the ego train until it derailed during my run with Brynn. 

My goal for the next trial - to walk away from the post to help my dog at the first sign of trouble.  Never again will I allow my ego to get in the way.  Nothing is that important.  

In practice this week I clearly saw how letting Brynn get away with some bad behavior at the pen during a trial has turned into something that needs to be fixed - hopefully it can be fixed when Dianne is here this weekend.  Now when working Brynn my biggest fear is ruining her.  What was fun...has turned into a stressful thing and that is scary.

I need to adjust my attitude and enjoy my dogs.

After all...isn't that the real reason why I am doing this? 

Remember what is important & focus on that. 

To see pictures that I have processed so far (only about 1/2 way complete) please visit this link

Athena - Caldedonia Games Sheep Dog Trial - LINK TO SET ON FLICKR

If you want to go directly to the slide show click below

Link to SLIDESHOW of ATHENA - CALEDONIA SDT on FLICKR