Not much in life is impossible.
It may seem insurmountable and treacherous...
But what seemed impossible just moments before is easily achieved with a little help from our friends.
WE INTERRUPT THIS MOTIVATIONAL BLOG POST FOR A
DOSE OF CAMERA FACE's WARPED REALITY.
Blah blah blah, nothing is impossible - yeah right. Bite me.
I can tell you one thing that is absofukkinlutely IMPOSSIBLE....
It is impossible to work your dog effectively when you are an emotional wreck.
Yes, really. It is impossible.
Some days it is better to just turn and walk off the field, than to stand there
Or just make a general ass out of yourself.
"You visit Assland enough, you should buy the tee-shirt."
Trust me, I am adept at Self-Assification. Menopause & acute anxiety disorder seems to amplify this particular trait.
I have been getting discouraged. Feeling defeated. Feeling inadequate & stupid. Feeling like I should just quit. (insert whine and self piteous wailing here)
Yes, I know, negative thoughts will destroy me.
I need to rise to the challenge, lift myself up by my bootstraps,
get on with it, chin up...blah blah blah.
I can do all that. But I keep asking myself...WHY? Why am I doing this? Why am I busting my ass to work my dogs and trial?
"I just wanna have fun..."
This is supposed to be fun, right? Where did the fun go?
I want the fun back. It left, has anyone seen my fun lately?
Please help me find it again. I miss it.
Being an ass is not fun, it is depressing.
"That's okay, Camera Face, we love your fat ass anyway."
Some days, I want to watch my dog and not the sheep.
I want to lose myself in her joy, her purpose, her passion.
I want the awe back. I want that thrill I feel every time she leaves my feet and runs hundreds of yards away and brings me sheep. I don't want to constantly look at her with a critical eye, pick apart the outrun, lift, fetch, every single damn step she takes. Stress out every time she is in contact with the sheep. Panic when she is getting to close, moving to fast, slicing a flank.
Really? Is it going to matter at the end of my life if we were just okay?
What will matter, is the joy I found on the journey.
Joy in the journey. Not trials and tribulations.
Hopefully an good nights sleep will help me gain some perspective.
Because this just ain't fun.