Friday, July 24, 2009

Wayward Morning

Have you ever had one of those mornings? I was in a rush. Ripped my clothes out of the dryer, got dressed in the laundry room. Nothing matched, forgot to comb my hair. Ugh...ugly day.

Then I whacked my face. Our bathroom door has a annoying habit of never opening quite all the way. It just hangs there half opened and half closed. I walked out of our closet turned the corner and whammo right into the door.

Dogamn door.

That pretty much set the tone for my entire day.

As I was speeding the 45 miles to Fido's Farm I was yearning for a hood mounted artillery gun. You know, something you could use to shoot the cars in front of you into oblivion?

Hey Meathead - did you just cut me off? KerBLAM, poof....GONE!

HEY Cottonhead! Are you really driving 40 in a 65? KerBLAM, poof....GONE!

"Mom, what does "arse-hole" mean?"



I had a good head of steam on by the time I arrived at Fido's. Then I find out Chris accidentally doubled booked my lesson. *sigh*

I was deflated. I felt like Eyeore...gloomy, boggy and sad.

Our lesson didn't go well because I couldn't seem to communicate and Chris was in a hurry. Every time I opened my mouth, what I meant to say didn't come out. Instead I sounded like a blathering idiot.

After the lesson I worked Bonnie for a bit alone. Bonnie is doing well. Me, on the other hand, someone should beat me with my stick. No matter how many times I hear the same freaking thing over and over again - it just doesn't seem to sink into my IQ challenged brain. If there is a sheep herding gene - I was left out of that particular gene pool.

After working Bonnie I sat down and tried to give myself a bit of an attitude adjustment. I closed my eyes, listened to the wind, the birds, the bees buzzing on the flowers. Breathed in, breathed out and felt the tension just melt away. I decided to give Bonnie another try.

This time I decided to not raise my voice and wanted to build enthusiasm and excitement in Bonnie and myself. I realized it was working when I sent her on mini outrun - she was nice and wide. She brought the sheep to me then stopped right where I wanted her too!

She is not afraid to go between sheep and the fence.



Moving them with confidence - most of the time.



She is keeping a better distance.



After a while I called her off with 'that'll do" then patted my leg and said GOOD GIRL! Bonnie came running right at me ....faster...and faster...then WHAMMO she hits me right square in the thighs with her paws and the next thing I know I am flat on my back. She knocked me right off my feet.

Dogammit.

I didn't say a word. Actually I was incapable of uttering a sound other than a gasp. I laid there. Trying to embrace the moment and enjoy the clouds passing overhead. Waiting until I could breath again.

I closed my eyes, tried to clear my stressed brain and found myself imagining that scene from the 'Shawshank Redemption' when Andy defiantly plays Mozart on the prison PA system. Trying to find a little bit of peace admist the chaos.



I was hoping some beautiful bird would flap into my brain and make all my troubles dissolve away.

When I could breathe again I stood up.

That is funny, my leg felt odd

As I am walking out of the field...I shook my leg. I wonder if Bonnie hurt me? I stopped for a minute and felt the side of my knee. There was an odd bulge.

I kinda freaked out a bit.

Shoook my leg again and felt something sliding down the inside of my pants.

Ever experienced that particular sensation? It is creepy, to say the least.

Then I looked down and saw...



Yes, that is right. Those are pink undies.

They must have been stuck inside my pants the entire morning.

"Ohhhh Mom, HOW EM-BARE-ASS-ING!"



Thank doG, they were clean.

Damn static cling. Must have been stuck in there from when pulled the pants out of the dryer.

10 comments:

sheepkelpie said...

heee heee heee! Hope your day went better after that!

The Thundering Herd said...

Laughing. Or the theory that you got hit so hard they came off! Wow.

Funny how our own moods interfere with our dogs ability to listen.

Ann said...

Ya gotta laugh! At least they were clean!

Laura said...

That is awesome! I started laughing from the first paragraph and kept going until the end. I've had days like those--they're awful, but they do show us how much our own attitudes affect the dogs (and the universe) around us!

Hope tomorrow is better!

Paws on the Run said...

I'm so sorry about your crappy morning. Good thing you had an extra pair! Hah hah. That was bad - sorry. :)

An English Shepherd said...

Very funny !

Lovely film clip/music as well

Wizz :-)

Samantha ~ Holly and Zac ~ said...

LOL... yep i think we all have days like that sometimes.

Hope tomorrow is a better day! :-)

Gennasus said...

Oh, too funny! Thanks for the laugh.

I've also done the trick with the knickers but, thankfully, I was at home when they made an appearance.

Paula said...

That? That was a fabulous post! Thank you. :)

sclmarm said...

I had been teaching first and second graders most of the day when I finally figured out I had untie punties in my sleeve of all places!

Better inside than stuck to the outside:)