I am struggling to find things to write about. I think I am depressed.
Let me rephrase that. I know I am depressed. Being unemployed for over a year has been dragging me down a smidgen. Although the thought of going back to work is intimidating. I like it at home. I like being with my dogs. I am not looking forward to going back into corporate America and plowing a plot in Cube Farm USA. Yet I do my required duty. I apply for jobs daily, file my unemployment and wait...no interviews, no phone calls. Nada. It is depressing to be in a field that is 'in decline'.
Then again...not leaving the house for days on end, realizing I forgot to take a shower for two days in a row is depressing too. I am not sure I will know how to even talk to people without using "Good Boy" "Excellent!" or "Good Job" in a sentence. Do I even want to?
I have accepted wearing clothing covered with dog hair, and shoes stained with sheep poop. Will my future employer understand?
I prefer dogs
I much prefer having them pester me than a boss.
You know when you are watching a movie, and the character is making a royal arse out of himself? So badly it is making you uncomfortable? You just want to grab him by the shoulders and say "GET A GRIP DUDE!" or just shut off the TV? Yep, I feel like that when I look in the mirror.
I am going to do that in this post.
Remember my grand plans to lose weight last year... Well, I made it 5 months, lost about 30 lbs and promptly gained it all back. Plus an additional 11 pounds that showed up out of freaking NO WHERE!
Why is chocolate so cruel? I love it so much, and it is so vindictive.
The ultimate toxic relationship.
Pre-Menopausal Woman + Chocolate = Woman who has a stomach bigger than South America.
I am seriously thinking about starting smoking again just to lose the large tractor tire that has settled in around my middle...uh, butt, thighs, arms. Ha! Who are we fooling? Thighs? They aren't thighs anymore - they are inflated tree trunks.
I miss Brynn and Beth.
I want them home. I know where they are, they are in good hands, but I still feel like I am missing something. That niggling feeling in the back of my mind that something is out of sorts. It is the hole that has been left by their absence. I know, I know...you are saying "Get a grip Dude".
I want a job where I can take pictures of dogs all day long. Dogs and maybe the occasional person. I like dog people, they are cool. You always have something to talk to 'dog people' about. Not like 'accounting' people. I worked with 'accounting' people and *shudder* 'engineering' people for many years, doG forbid...I WAS one of those people! It left indelible scars on my fragile psyche.
(No offense intended to accounting and engineering people reading my blog, if you are reading the ramblings of this blathering idiot - then you are my kind of peep. *insert sappy smile here*).
Did I ever share with you the story of my last boss? I obviously don't work for that company anymore - and have no plans to ever return into that field - so I have no fear of sharing this story with you.
Our team's beloved boss retired. Instead of hiring a well educated, funny, classy woman like her ... they hired an idiot. Not just any kind of idiot, mind you, she was a supreme idiot. The things that came out of her mouth on a regular basis left me unable to speak. I always believed that it took monumental effort to be that stupid. She proved me wrong.
After working with our team for a couple of weeks she found out I worked in Border Collie Rescue. In an effort to 'bond', she called me into her office and shared her personal Border Collie Rescue Story. She told me all about the dog she adopted from PNW BC Rescue the year before. On and on she talked about this wonderful dog. Her daughters adored him, she adored him. They loved him to pieces. They were so happy together.
The following week, things changed. She called me into her office again. Now she wanted me to take that same 'wonderful' dog off her hands, since it was too busy for her daughters. Apparently her daughter was locking the dog in her bedroom all day long (and night) the poor dog had taken to relieving himself on her bed. ('DOH)
So here I am, with a new boss and she is asking me to take her dog. She was upset with me because I wouldn't go to her house that evening and pick him up. I held my tongue and told her she needed to call the foster home she adopted the dog from and make arrangements to return him. I then contacted the foster home she adopted the dog from and started the ball rolling, because I did not trust her to follow through.
Eventually, things worked out for the dog, and he ended up in a much better home than she could provide. I worked daily on 'forgiving' her.
I really really really tried. Believe me I did.
Fast forward 4 months.
I am toiling away in my cube when Boss from H*ll (BFH) comes plops down and begins a conversation that went like this:
BFH: "Oh I am sooo excited! We are getting a new puppy!"
Stunned Carolynn: "Really? I thought you were too busy for a dog?"
BFH: "The girls have really grown up and they want to get a new puppy, we are getting a Vizsla!"
Freaked out Carolynn: "A Vizsla PUPPY? Are you out of your mind? You thought a mature border collie was too much work? Vizsla's need as much attention and exercise as a border collie."
BFH: "We have researched the breed and are ready for the commitment. Our new puppy will arrive tomorrow!"
Pisssed off Carolynn: "Arrive? Where are you getting him? Did you check out the breeder? I would be happy to try and find you a Vizsla rescue from a local source, then you can meet him before you adopt him. "
BFH: "No, thanks anyway, too late! We ordered him from Next Day Pets online. He is coming from a reputable breeder in Missouri. We have emailed extensively about their breeding and how they raise their puppies. They were born in the kitchen with the family right there".
Furious Carolynn: "A reputable breeder does not sell their puppies on the internet. They also do not ship them sight unseen to people via email. Please check them out a little better, you are likely supporting a puppy mill."
Stupid Fffing BFH: "I have checked them out - they are a very good breeder, they have been prompt and professional in all the emails. Besides I already sent my money. We pick the puppy up tomorrow at the airport."
She knew I was passionate about rescue, she asked me about it everyday. She returned her rescue border collie right after she was hired. She didn't see a problem with it. She ordered a puppy from online FROM A PUPPY MILL. I really wanted to bash her over the head with a filing cabinet.
Over the next 6 months I was regaled with tales of the Vizsla puppy her girls were neglecting, while single Mom worked 14 hour days. I kept my mouth shut.
I left that company knowing without a doubt I never wanted to work for someone like that again. I like dog people. Smart dog people who don't order their dogs from Next Day Ffffing Pets.
If you can point me toward a job where I can use my camera, write, design, work with dogs & dog people, (maybe some cat, bird, cow, horse or sheep people too) I would be eternally grateful.
But please no BFH's with Vizsla puppies. Thanks!
That Time of Year
3 days ago