Friday, December 30, 2011

Jorgen's TMT

I have been out of the TMT loop for a few weeks. Jorgen posted the questions again this week and I thought I would give it a stab.

What is your favorite clothing to wear?

I have surrendered my vanity or vestige of a waist line and enveloped my immenseness in comfy stretchy waist denim britches. I bought my first pair a few weeks ago. I am never going back. My fat rolls have never been happier. In the cold weather I combine them with a roomy fleece vest, tee-shirt and wool socks I am a happy farmer. If I am at home I adore sweats or my pajamas.

What do you think your dogs thinks about you?

My new Canine Thought Interpreter has reached experimental stage of product development and this is what it told me was on my dog's minds in general. Since dogs live in the moment, I was only able to dissect a small window of thoughts.

Ranger: Food? Pet me? (pee on wall) pet me, food? TOY! (lick privates) FOOOOOD? "Let me turn on that light switch for you...gimme FOOD!" (pee on couch - hide while camera face wails) WALKIES! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Scratch my butt please. Aren't I cute rolling around like a puppy? I love you. Food? SQUIRREL! CROWS IN MY TREE - KILL THEM! (dammit, why do you have to put the bark collar on when I am having fun?) I hate you.

Beth: Leave me alone unless you are gonna throw the ball. Throw the ball? Screw the sheep, throw the f*cking ball now or you will lose your knee caps. I am so cute, see me wag just the tip of my tail? My big brown eyes are so throw that doGdamn ball or I will shred stupid f*cking ugly elastic waist pants you old fat b*tch. (Yes, Beth has a potty mouth and thinks I am an idiot).

Bonnie: I have a bone, see my bone? No one else gets my bone, here you can hold my bone then I am going to launch myself into your lap and remove most of the skin from your thighs, but you really want me on your lap, I know you do. How about now, while you are typing? No warning, I can leap from the doggie bed and clear the desk, no problem. Key board? Who needs a key board, you are put on this earth to pet me and adore me. I have freckles. Please take the dingle berry off my ass - can't reach it. Thank you, I will leave it on your pillow next to my chewed up bone that I know you want, you love me, I love you. Soooo sleepy, FEEEEEEEED ME.

Brynn: Sheep? Now? What do you mean we are done? I can still see them. You get in the crate. NO do not turn on the WINDSHIELD WIPERS! I WILL DIE! (hides and shakes in crate all the way home while raining). Where is my bone.  Jolly ball! Must kill my Skinny. Wag it in Ranger's face...SUCKER. Growl, snarl, you cant have it Ranger Moron. What? Camera Face says I have to stop being a bitch.  Time to eat. It is 5 minutes past dinner time, get off the computer and feed me please. I have my head on your lap, see my squinty eyes - they are begging you to feed me because I am hungry. I work so hard for you. Buy me more sheep. I bit one yesterday, it was fun. Need to barf, you clean it up...I know it is the middle of the night, so I will barf on your pillow. You wont mind. When are we leaving for the sheep in the morning? How about now, it is 4am. I am ready. Thanks. Lets go....

Bea: I love you. I am happy. Food is good, sheep are better. I just want to make you happy. I love you. Happy Happy Joy Joy. Take my picture. I like to play and bite Ranger's neck. Brynn is my best friend. Sheep? Where? I love you, you need a hug. I like to lick your neck. Sheep? I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I just want to be good and for you to be happy with me. I love you.

Are you happy about the past year trialing, do you think next year will be better?

Yes, I am happy. I look back at the beginning of the year when we were running novice and compare it to our Pro-Novice run at Sleddin' & Sheddin' I am very happy. I have made some huge changes in my support system and it has made a tremendous difference for me emotionally. Brynn is coming along, I think I am improving, slowly, and that is okay. I still have a long way to go, continue working on the tone of my voice & projecting emotion, but we are getting there. I look forward to next year & taking the pressure off a bit & having fun with Bea.

If you would ask a TMT question that you did not have to answer, what question would you ask?

I really want to ask something but I am afraid it will sound VERY catty. So I am going to decline to answer this question.

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