Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Ranger's River of Doom

It all started one lovely afternoon at the river.

Crazy Lady's friend Vicki brought several of my pals over to play then we went down to the river for some good ole fashioned doggoned fun.

Things just didn't feel right. The look in Crazy Lady's eyes spelled 'trobule', but my dyslexia made it difficult to know for sure.

Like the superior dog that I am I made it a point to play with Bratty Brynn.

I showed her how to dig holes in the sand - then watch them fill back up with water.

Playing with a puppy is hard. Not much more than a suitcase full of nothing between the ears if you know what I mean?

They kept saying "Ranger is sofa King we Todd did". I didn't know what they meant by that. The sofa was back at the house.

It is a hard job digging holes faster than the water can fill

A guy gets no respect for a days hard work around here. WHY do they keep laughing at me?

I have finally achieved hole digging nirvana!

Sometimes a guy needs to use his nose to dig a hole. Its a filthy job, but someone has got to do it.

A little more fine tuning. HEY stop taking pictures of my arse! Leave me a few shreds of dignity?

See, my child, you too can dig faster than water someday. See how the water fills the hole? It is your job to keep it free and clear.

This is when it started. They were laughing at me and said I needed to get cleaned up before they would take me home. So Vicki threw the stick into the river so I could go for a swim.

As a shining example of dog-hood I dove into the raging river to retrieve the stick.

It was further out than I anticipated

The current quickly overwhelmed my frantic paddling. It was sweeping me down river too quickly. Behind me was a snag of trees from the last flood.

The next thing I knew, I hear Crazy Lady shrieking to Vicki and see Vicki running down the levee toward me.

I managed a super-dog effort to grasp hold of the bank

I looked to Crazy Lady for help, she had that damn camera stuck to her face. I was going to have to rely on my wits and maybe Vicki for help. What a pathetic fat old woman...

I knew I wouldn't make it up onto this section of the levee. Much too steep and the current was too fast.

My only option - I had to hurl myself forcefully off the bank back into the river of death - hopefully kick out strong enough to make it around the snag of trees or they would suck me down to my destruction.

I kicked with all my might....

Maybe...just maybe I would make it. I could hear Vicki climbing down the bank to reach me.

I swam harder than I ever swam before - my lungs were about to burst but I made it out around the snag of doom.

I allowed the river to carry me just a little bit down stream - I paddled back toward the bank again. Finally around the snag....

Thankfully I am alive. With no help from her...someday she will pay for her neglectful laughter.

I knew the minute they brought that irritating puppy into the house that they were plotting my demise.


Gennasus said...

Poor Ranger! So glad he made it out. That was quite a worried face there. Great digging work, it reminds me of my DIL's Kyloh who is a dedicated digger.

Back to the river, and a slightly sombre note. A couple were drowned two days ago in a river in Scotland. Their three dogs had got into difficulty in the swollen river and they jumped in to try and save them. Their 7 month old baby was left in a buggy on the bank. Just awful.

Be careful Ranger, don't do it again!

Lauren said...

That story is hilarious and frightening all at the same time. Thank heavens Ranger made it out okay!

Paula said...

Oh, scary! Thank goodness Ranger made it out OK.

This, though. This cracked me right up:

"They kept saying "Ranger is sofa King we Todd did". I didn't know what they meant by that. The sofa was back at the house."

StellaStar said...

Aw! Poor Ranger! Glad he made it okay. Maybe if he stopped digging holes, he wouldn't mess up the current so bad...

PoochesForPeace said...

Oh my doG good thing I wasnt around because I probably wouldve had a heart attack. Yikes! I tend to worry a little too much sometimes...hehehe

Samantha ~ Holly and Zac ~ said...

Eeew...at the mud shots, my two would have loved to play in that i think..hehe

That river looks quite scary, we are pleased Ranger made it out ok. He looks very nice and clean at the end though...lol

Mason Dixie said...

Oh my how scary!! my mom would have jumped in after me for sure. No photos for sure. I am so glad you are safe and shore bound. =)

BCxFour said...

Thanks everyone for your comments. I just wanted to say a few things lest anyone thinks I was neglectful in taking pictures while Ranger possibly drowned.

I knew Ranger wasnt going to drown. He has floated down that section of the river before and did just fine. I have to admit I dramtized it just a smidgen for the blog.

Why was I taking pictures when it appeared he was in trouble? Because that was all I could do! I had three puppies & 5 other Border Collies to watch - if I had run down the levee with Vicki - then the rest of the dogs (puppies included) possilbly could have ended up in the river too. Which would have been a very bad scene. *sigh* So I took pictures - mostly so I could see it easily through the view finder.

If it makes anyone feel better - Ranger jumped in the river again last night and did the same damn thing AGAIN! He is fine, still stupid, but fine!