Ranger's River of Doom

It all started one lovely afternoon at the river.

Crazy Lady's friend Vicki brought several of my pals over to play then we went down to the river for some good ole fashioned doggoned fun.

Things just didn't feel right. The look in Crazy Lady's eyes spelled 'trobule', but my dyslexia made it difficult to know for sure.

Like the superior dog that I am I made it a point to play with Bratty Brynn.

I showed her how to dig holes in the sand - then watch them fill back up with water.

Playing with a puppy is hard. Not much more than a suitcase full of nothing between the ears if you know what I mean?

They kept saying "Ranger is sofa King we Todd did". I didn't know what they meant by that. The sofa was back at the house.

It is a hard job digging holes faster than the water can fill

A guy gets no respect for a days hard work around here. WHY do they keep laughing at me?

I have finally achieved hole digging nirvana!

Sometimes a guy needs to use his nose to dig a hole. Its a filthy job, but someone has got to do it.

A little more fine tuning. HEY stop taking pictures of my arse! Leave me a few shreds of dignity?

See, my child, you too can dig faster than water someday. See how the water fills the hole? It is your job to keep it free and clear.

This is when it started. They were laughing at me and said I needed to get cleaned up before they would take me home. So Vicki threw the stick into the river so I could go for a swim.

As a shining example of dog-hood I dove into the raging river to retrieve the stick.

It was further out than I anticipated

The current quickly overwhelmed my frantic paddling. It was sweeping me down river too quickly. Behind me was a snag of trees from the last flood.

The next thing I knew, I hear Crazy Lady shrieking to Vicki and see Vicki running down the levee toward me.

I managed a super-dog effort to grasp hold of the bank

I looked to Crazy Lady for help, she had that damn camera stuck to her face. I was going to have to rely on my wits and maybe Vicki for help. What a pathetic fat old woman...

I knew I wouldn't make it up onto this section of the levee. Much too steep and the current was too fast.

My only option - I had to hurl myself forcefully off the bank back into the river of death - hopefully kick out strong enough to make it around the snag of trees or they would suck me down to my destruction.

I kicked with all my might....

Maybe...just maybe I would make it. I could hear Vicki climbing down the bank to reach me.

I swam harder than I ever swam before - my lungs were about to burst but I made it out around the snag of doom.

I allowed the river to carry me just a little bit down stream - I paddled back toward the bank again. Finally around the snag....

Thankfully I am alive. With no help from her...someday she will pay for her neglectful laughter.

I knew the minute they brought that irritating puppy into the house that they were plotting my demise.