Thursday, October 27, 2011

Disquietude & Coming Home

The past few weeks have been a drain on me emotionally, which has translated to a profound gap in blogging.  Sorry, no pictures this time. My computer time is limited until my hand feels better. 

This last weekend at Fire Ridge Sheep Dog Trial I had three runs with Brynn.   Three retires and one broken wrist.  I ran Brynn on Saturday with two broken bones in my wrist from a tumble down the stairs the night before.  Pain can be a wee bit distracting but vet wrap & ibuprofen are wonderful things.

I keep a notebook on my blackberry where I jot down thoughts that come to me.  Here is a sampling of what I wrote throughout the weekend - it sums my emotional state up aptly.  

  • I am tired of letters.  I am frustrated. 
  • I am a wee bit lost on this 'journey'
  • Don't giggle when your dog brings sheep around the post, does not end well  
  • I have been looking for answers outside of myself.  Searching for advice, miracle 'cures'  & not listening to my heart and what I know is inside of me 
  • I am afraid of success, self sabotage sucks
  • Why do I look to others for the validation?  The answers lie in me.  They will come through me, I just need to get out of the way.  
  • That last step can be a doozie
  • Camp fires make your hair smell
  • I abhor 'name droppers' & people who need to be the center of attention all the time
  • When someone shows you who they are, believe them
  • I am tired of following others and discounting myself.  I never learned how to separate myself from others opinions.  I am not a mirror...I am me.   
  • Humility, grace, honesty and kindness are things I cherish and admire in others above all
  • Not all dog people are nice, some people their saving grace IS their dog
The absolute best part of my weekend was coming home.

My handsome husband had the carpets cleaned, he pressure washed the house, driveway, porch and concrete, the house was spotless, smelled heavenly and dinner was in the oven.

Then Brynn tried to rip Ranger's nose off his face.

It was nice to be home.  


Diana said...

So sorry about your wrist. Get well soon.

Ferreh Hiatt said...

Welcome to the broken handler's crew! A broken finger isn't so bad, but you get extra points for a broken wrist!

From the notes that you wrote at the trial, it sounds like you had some major egos present... that sucks. Keep your head up and just remind yourself why you do this... because you love your dogs. I've discovered that headphones and some awesome music help to drown those a$$holes out at a trial... :o)

gvmama said...

OMG Carolyn...."•Not all dog people are nice, some people their saving grace IS their dog" I almost spit pumpkin pie through my nose if that's possible.
You've got nice dogs and you're learning. Relax. Ny ribs have healed. Your wrist will heal. No one said success comes easily. Enjoy the journey. I'm enjoying reading it through your blog.

Jaenne' said...

Don't worry about what other people think or say...and the numbers will come...says the person who had plenty of letters before numbers :-)

Monique said...

Wishing you a compass pointed toward understanding and peace... oh and a healed wrist!

forensicfarmgirl said...

Beautiful post! (even without the pics!) I feel your pain. Egos can suck the fun right out of dog sports.

Just remember that at the end of the weekend, you are going home with your dog, not with these people. Their opinions (good or bad) don't mean a thing.