Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A Training Plan Gone Wrong

This morning I got up with the good intentions of loading up the dogs and making the trip to Fido's to work sheep.

I made my coffee, fixed the dogs their breakfast.  Then I sat down to eat my breakfast and look over my 'training notes'...and remembered our last session on sheep.

Training Objective:   'Walk-About' to work on pace, balance and hopefully not fall and break my neck. 

Let me share what really happened...

"Lie down" thinking to myself "please please please stay there and let me get to the sheep...please".

Bonnie says "I am only laying down because the sheep are in the corner and the fence is right there - not because I respect you nimrod". 

Bonnie...wrong way

Bonnie I am walking back wards...why are you trying to go to their heads and get behind me?  WTF?

That is better, please slow down

You are doing it again....

Yes, behind them...that is where I want you.

Right there....nice

 Hey, KNOCK IT OFF!  Don't bite the sheep! What did that sheep do to you? 

There!   Nice....

 Easy now...getting there

Stand, STAND!  STAND DAMMIT!  Why are the evil ones so pretty?

Bonnie stop pushing the sheep against me so hard, I am going to fall down AGAIN!  

Uhhh Bonnie...'THERE!"  Wait, no...STOP! STAND!  LIE DOWN!     SLOW DOWN SPEED RACER!

Please stop?  *sobbing*

Voice in head says "GO SOMEWHERE - let her keep the sheep with you"

Bonnie you are supposed to keep them with me, not scatter them like bowling pins!  GAH!


Lets try this again...Go somewhere...pant, wheeze, gasp...

Can't breathe....must. eat. less...why did I stop going to Curves again?

I am running...why is she running faster?  Hey..I am staying ahead of the sheep.  This is a good thing - but I am going to have a coronary. 

Please stop, my heart is going to explode...right here...will make mess.

There....yes, THERE!  

Good.... easy...

Thank doG I am against the fence...because I think I am going to hurl. 

Lie down....PLEASE!  NO!  Not that way!

Oh fine....then....*sigh*... must run to center of field again...


Oh, doG I am in the corner - they are coming right at me!  This is gonna hurt!

Back out in the middle....cripes...lets try this again

There.. need to end on a good note.  Bonnie STOP!  Stand...Lie Down...DAMMIT

She finally did lie down,  only because I collapsed in a shuddering heap of sweat and drool.  I think it was a 'pity' lie down. 

After reviewing this last training session, I walked over to the pantry, took out the bottle of Irish Cream and added a hefty dollop to my coffee.  Took a taste and dumped a bunch more into the pot.  Today we stayed home... What is on pay per view? 


WannabeVirginia W. said...

was the sheep okay? that would be exactly my sentiment, where's the bailey's and what's on pay per view.

beautiful landscape you have.

Tristan and Braun said...

Awwww.. Geee... didn't sound like it went as planned (pardon the pun!)

Hope it'll be better the next time. Meantime enjoy the TV and the bailey. Good effort on your part though! :)

BCxFour said...

The sheep was fine. While Bonnie 'grips' occasionally she has not hurt a sheep *knock on wood* yet.

Actually the training session went okay - pretty good. I achieved my objective and only fell down once. Bonnie is just sooooo stinking zippy, fast and out of control some times I feel like giving up. She is a delicate balance between intensity and insanity. *sigh*

Country Girl said...

LOL! The joys of an inexperienced dog!! Have you tried putting a cord on her - it makes it easier to catch the little devils when you need to. :)

Have fun!

Karen said...

That post had me laughing so hard, there were tears coming too:) And it takes quite a bit to get me laughing like that. Toooo funny!!

Emma Rose said...

That was hysterical! Today I asked a writer of our local town newsletter to put in an ad for me to help me find someone to train Emma (and me) on sheep. LOL. Now I'm having second thoughts! I hope one day to be as brave as you :) Right now I think I'd better start by stocking up on the Bailey's!


fulltiltbcs said...

LOL GO GET EM Bonnie!!! :-)))

Bailey's is a good thing -))

sheepkelpie said...

You will get there :) We have ALL been there. I love your hair :) Who needs curves when you have Bonnie? I think I shall have to get some Baileys...

Paula said...

I'm only laughing because that looks like every lesson with my dog.

Have some Bailey's for me, too! ;)

EllieC said...

As the proud owner/handler of an "evil" but pretty girl, I just wanted to let you know that is DOES get better... eventually ;) Maybe all that hair gives them a big head?

Tonie said...

LMAO and feeling your pain!