Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Here Goes...

This blog is gonna change. I have decided this blog is for me.  A chronicle of my life, the dogs and our family.  It started out that way, instead I allowed it to follow a path that took me away from my self and more into pleasing everyone who reads it.

There is more to me than the dogs, sheep, photography and well...dogs, photography and sheep.

I have bad days.  Very very very bad days. 
I have good days.  Some happy, terrific and bliss filled days.
I am going to try and share both.  The ups, downs and in-between.  

Here goes...

Things are starting to ease up at work.  This job was supposed to be part-time.  It morphed into much more than I was expecting, throwing my life at home in utter chaos. 

While trying to wrap my brain around the job and its added pressures, my daughter, pseudo son-in-law and granddaughter moved in.  Which required major shifting in the whole household.  The addition of three people, one of whom crawls and sticks her tongue into light sockets, is no small adjustment.

But she is so damn cute you can't help yourself.  

No amount of cute can take away all the stress.

For some reason my adult 24 y/o daughter has suddenly regressed into a badly behaved 13 y/o.  With the same self destructive attitude and mouth that I barely survived the first time.  I won't even mention that they have yet to pay us rent, or pitched in for food.  Their schedule is erratic, unpredictable and makes me want to rip all my hair out of my head on a daily basis.  Oh, did I mention the arguing?

The other kids, are pretty cool and thankfully doing well.

My photography business will hopefully pick up again - now that I have time.  I have not had the time to work on client requests, let alone mine.

I wish I knew how to say "NO".  Instead of over extending myself and trying to make everyone happy.

The farm reminds me of everything good.  I can look at those sheep and know in my heart they are content.  They are well fed, happy and doing well.   Watching them with their lambs, makes me long for the days when my kids were little.  I miss the innocence, the simplicity, the love.

Therapy is a good thing.  The road to recovery through PTSD is a long one.  The dogs, sheep and farm have been instrumental in that healing process.  It seems that the universe is opening a new door for me and I have a choice to step through or not.  Not since I was an army wife have I felt part of a community.  I do there.  The entire neighborhood is being lured into the sheep.  We have three separate 'farms' to graze now, soon will be adding a fourth.  All are connected by property lines.  We have the barn of my dreams to lamb in on the farm across the street.  New friends, so many incredible things have been happening.

Top it off I joined a knitting group.  I do not know how to knit, but they are going to teach me.  We are all nurses and 'get' each other.  The group was started by Mary, who we rent pasture from.  One day I will spin the wool we just sheared from our sheep and I will knit something. A pair of thick wooly socks would be perfect.

The dogs are progressing nicely.  We have good days and bad days.  More good than bad.  I will use Beth every now and then but, she really is a big pain the ass.  She ignores me more than she listens.  I do not think she enjoys working sheep.  She much prefers her ball. 


I have decided I am done fighting her.  I have been consistent & fair in her training, but she is just passive/aggressive and that can be dangerous. 

The other day she blew me off and I got hurt.  It has happened too many times.  There is one thing to having a dog blow you off on the trial field.  But when you are seriously trying to do something necessary with your sheep and you get hurt, it is a whole 'nuther story. 

My priorities have shifted from dog training to sheep care.  If my dog does not respect or listen to me, my sheep get hurt, and ultimately I get hurt physically and financially.

That sucks, because then I chase the dog across the pasture screaming profanity in a poltergeist voice, which is unflattering.

Bea is coming along nicely. My objective has been to work her here and there, building confidence and exposing her to situations where she can be successful, yet think.  Letting her be naughty, but at the same time expecting correct work without putting a huge amount of pressure on her.  She will be going back to Dianne for more training in the fall - this is summer camp for Bea.

I have been very careful in the trials I entered Brynn in this year.  The next couple of weeks we are going to be getting ready for Wessels Dirt Blowing trial in Dayton, WA.

She makes me smile.

Brynn's work is beautiful. What I project is not from the post out onto the field, is not.

I have got to get a handle on my anxiety on the trial field.  Hopefully sans pharmaceutical help.  Aromatherapy might help?  Sheep manure, wet dog and lavender might bring about soothing thoughts of calm.  I wonder....

Till then I will just have to look at this picture, it makes me giggle. 

Miss Molly Malone, the black lamb.  

Too cute for words. 


Ferreh Hiatt said...

Love it! Keep writing for you, and it will all fall into place... just like everything else. And believe me, there is nothing that sheep poo, wet dog, and better living through chemistry won't get you through.

Brianne said...

I, for one, will love this "new" version of BCxFour. I'm struggling with something similar now - I'm getting married in five months, and trying for a baby shortly thereafter - will I alienate readers of my "dog blog" if it becomes a "family blog"? How much do I care? Should I just make separate blogs? I like the direction you're going. :)

manymuddypaws said...

i started my blog for myself too- and it has become this huge thing that is really not myself at all. Little bits of my life, but mostly the dogs, and only the happy stuff.

I have made a seperate blog for the not-so-reader-friendly days. lol. It helped to take the stress off. And that blog is invite only, so far I've invited no one. lol

Life is complicated, and often hard. But it is the glimmers of good- the dogs, the joy that entails, and of course your sheep. Hold the good stuff close- it will make the not so good feel less overwhelming.

Your photos as always are beautiful. That little black lamb is adorable.

Karen said...

Your blog has always been one of my favourites, and it sounds like it might be going back to more how it was when I first started reading. Not that I don't enjoy reading about the sheep and your dogs, but I did like it when you told us about other things too:)
You are a great writer and photographer, I'm glad you're back!

Erin O said...

" If my dog does not respect or listen to me, my sheep get hurt, and ultimately I get hurt physically and financially."

This is one of the golden rules. This is an incredible mental shift. This sport and practice is all about the sheep (contrary to what many people think), if you keep that in mind you will have no problems (more or less) training your dogs. The sheep will always tell what you need to ask of your dog. Dog trialling is just moving sheep and keeping them happy.
Listen to the sheep :)

gvmama said...

It appears to me that you are making everything fall into place quite nicely. You might need to use a bit of tough love on the family situation to make your home more of a sanctuary than the sheep fields :0)
P.S. I have this great urge to learn how to knit! I just haven't found a group :0(

Unknown said...

I landed on your blog while tormenting myself with Google images of Border collies (I was missing my dog who died a few years ago). I love your writing, and the dogs and sheep are so interesting! The lambs are so cute, it's scandalous. Glad you found your voice - keep showing up for you. :) - Amy

Anonymous said...

The sheep will show the way to proper work, everytime.

I didn't start to relax until I undertstood that no one really gives a shit about my runs.

Keep the good work up.

Lynette said...

Yay! To all of it. I appreciate the way you write and the pictures you choose to post, whether it's about dogs, sheep, your family, or you. As long as you're writing about what you want to write about, it will be worth reading!