Future Tripping

Today while I was trudging around in the muck & mud at Fido's farm I had  thought pop into my head. 

I hate sheep. 

Okay. I don't really hate sheep. 

I hated myself today while working my dog on sheep.  I was frustrated and tired.  I had exceeded my skill set & the tools in my toolbox all needed to be cleaned with a good dose of WD-40.  

Tomorrow I am running the dogs in the Kearney Creek trial.  Another in the series of winter training trials here in Western Washington.  I am trying not to have any expectations.  But to be completely honest, my head is full of expectations.  They are creeping into my head, commandeering my common sense.   My goal is to clear my head, become zen with my dog.   Approach the trial much like my dog would - be in the moment - do not 'future trip'. 

What is future tripping?  Basically, it means to worry about the future instead of enjoying the present.

Rather than enjoying my time working the dogs, my mind is racing.  I am tripping out on what tomorrow may bring.  Obsessively worrying, jumping to the future - seeing all that can go wrong and begin my slow decent into a total freak out. 

As I work myself up into this frenzy I start to imagine all that can go wrong.  I visualize people pointing, laughing, whispering about the size of my butt,  plotting to rescue my abused dogs from my grasp, stabbing me with their crooks, throwing mud, rotten tomatoes, hissing, booing. 

You know, the normal pre-trial worries.

This is not the best frame of mind to be working your dog.  When I realized I had just ran across the field, arms flailing, whisper/yelling, with a strange Scottish accent "You get out of that!  If you take one more step forward I am going to drown you in a puddle!"  I knew it was time to throw in the towel and leave.  

Okay I admit, my pre-trial worries are a bit beyond what would be called 'normal'.   Perhaps they are over the edge?  Maybe, but I am comfortable there - teetering just on the edge of sanity - it seems to be my happy place.  

As I drove from Fido's to Cindy's to check on the ewes and new lambs, I felt myself loosing the tenuous grip on what remained of my sanity.   When I pulled into the yard, I left the dogs in the car, keys in the ignition, and went to the barn.  I grabbed some alfalfa and stumbled out into the field - where sat down & tried to commune with the sheep.

I watched them eat.  

Mother their lambs. 

I thought about how my life would be so different if it were not for sheep. 

Without sheep, we would not have border collies. 

Without border collies my husband would not be complaining constantly about the cost of trials, dog food, gas, vet bills, dog hair, dirty carpet, slobber on the couch, chewed slippers, paw prints on the wall. 

My life would be peaceful. 

Then it dawned on me....

I need to get rid of my husband.